Tolina's hair is finely long enough to put into pig tails. They are not long and when it dries it will all curl up, but it is cute for now. Tolina and I were getting ready to go to church when Daddy wanted to take pictures of her hair. She is getting so big wanting to do so many things herself which makes a bigger mess for mom. This particular morning she would not put the dress that I picked out for her on she had to where the pink one she has on.

Lena and Mom 2-14-06

"Pretty moms"
Before I was a Mom –
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom –
I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.
Before I was a MomI never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a MomI never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom -I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom -I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.
Original Message Becky Kountz

A special mom sent this to me through my dad. It does not matter how many times I read it I still get teary eyed because it is what I, as a mom, feel. I close my eyes and still see my 9 pound 2 ounce baby stuffed into a felt heart on that Valentine’s Day two years ago when she was brand new. I think about how she has grown and changed all of the things that she has learned I am amazed how fast time has gone. I look at myself and I have changed and grown in ways that I never realized. I worry about the strangest things, instead of buying clothes in the women’s section I frequent the clearance rack in all of the stores I go in. Instead of staying up late to watch a movie, I go to bed early to read the same book over and over and over and over just waiting for Lena to drift off to sleep so I can watch her sleep so peacefully in my arms, so I can trace her perfect little lips with my finger. My living room no longer has endless breakable treasures they have been replaced by endless toys rows of Elmo’s, balls of every size, dolls with clothes, dolls with no clothes, and a wooden rocking horse made for my little girl by my Dad and Grandpa. College books have been replaced with board books. I would not change it for the world; I love the changes that have happened to my home. My Grandma once told me that you could always love one more person because you heart would just grow, there is always room for another, and she was a very smart lady.

It is a Tricycle not a bumper car!

This is the tricycle Papa Mickey sent to Lena for Christmas, she loves it although she can quite make it go with peddles she does have a great time running it in to all of Mama’s furniture.
Mom came up with the worst game she could think of with this trike though to push Lena around the house, Yep now all she wants to do is to have mom push her from the living room to the kitchen, then the dining room down the hall back to the living room, all the while saying “fast fast.” It is all great fun for the two year old but it is quite difficult on the 30 year old bent over pushing this small trike! Mom is still nervous about letting her take the trike to the drive way, but that is what is coming the only thing is Lena will make it go in her own just like she says “I do it.” So she can do it, Mom just has to figure out how to blockade her from going into the street. Just like Lena, Mom and Dad love watching her play on the Trike her Papa Mickey sent from Wyoming.

Chocolate Pudding is so good and even better when it is all over my face!

Since I did not take a picture of the Oat Meal this morning I had to look for another picture although this mess is not nearly as big as this morning it is cute.

Lena wakes up this morning at 6:30, only forty five minutes early, tells her daddy “um I want breakfast.” Daddy said lay back down we will get up in just a little bit. “No get up I hungry!” So an early start for Daddy, when I get home at 7:15 Lena had been left to eat oat meal, a very easy although messy breakfast, she had oat meal in her hair, eyes, clothes, floor, counter, cupboards, and her big smile saying “Mommy! Good morning!” She was as happy as could be, so mommy cleaned her up, then the kitchen, while Daddy headed off to work. Well I know my parents cleaned up enough of my messes, I guess I get what I deserve, along with the best blessing of all a healthy, happy, and loving little girl!

My little girl is not so little. She will be two on February 14, 2008 my little Valentine. She loves to drive her Jeep any time she can. It is hard for me to imagine that is was so small not so long ago. Especially when I am chasing her around the house, or when she pushes the kitchen stools up to the counter to get "Snacks" her favorite thing. I have had to find different health snacks for her, otherwise she would eat sugary fruit snacks all of the time. Sweet Clementine’s have been wonderful she peels the orange herself which she loves then pulls it apart to eat. Blue berries are good to for little hands. Like the blog says Lena Loves M&Ms her favorite candy the medicine goes down so much easier with an M&M after.

Nursing one of the greatest Gifts to Mom and Baby!

My favorite thing in this whole wide world is nursing, the one perfect thing that I as a mother can do for the perfect little girl entrusted to me. The time spent holding her, examining her tiny fingers, gazing into those big blue eyes, stroking her curly blonde hair will never be again, for this month we stopped.
I remember crying for days when she was just new because I could not get her to latch on, I felt that I had failed as a mother; I had failed her, my little girl. After what seemed hours of frustration, trying to nurse, my mom would come take her and feed her. I would pump and cry knowing that in 3 hours we would try again.
Not until my little girl was a month old did we really click, at that time I was relaxed taking care of her, I was confident in my abilities as a mother. Sitting on the couch holding my little girl with her wisps of hair in my fingers did it dawn on me that she had not had a bottle in days, the flood of tears started again, we did it!
Time went on I had to return to work. My little girl was not happy with a bottle for formula from dad; it was another adjustment that she soon made with only a few sleepless nights. Nap time was ours, my little girl and mine to lay side by side so close we were almost one knowing that we were there for as long as she wanted, nothing else was important but her. She would look up at me with her mouth full attempting to smile.
How comforting to my little girl when we were away from home to know that her safe place was right there, mom was right there. She would venture so far and then back to me for soft reassurance that everything was ok. She would pat at my chest when she wanted to nurse, looking into my eyes melting my heart, asking with all her trusting abilities to nurse.
Starting to talk was wonderful; the third or fourth word she said was nurse. When she would ask to nurse it was as if she were saying “I love you mommy, can we cuddle and nurse, please?” it was always so sweet.
Eating new foods, such an exciting time for her, new textures, flavors, and temperatures, learning that this would soon be her only source of nutrition; nursing became less of a necessity and more of a comfort. An injury was always made better by nursing; it stopped the crying almost instantly. Bed time was easier when she was able to nurse to sleep.
As she grew older and bigger I realized that this bond only we shared would shortly come to an end, for she would not need me in that way, but I still wanted my baby girl to come to me and only me, curl up so close to me that we were again almost one, look up in to my eyes and say “Nurse? Mamma Nurse?” giving me her smile that only I got.
Now at two years old I have finished that part of being her mother more confident for the next. Yet still morning, this very short period of time I have had with my daughter to bond to be her world, these short precious moments we shared will always be my treasure the best part of sleepless nights. Nursing is the best thing that only a Mother and her infant can share.
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